The Boring And Long Winded Story Of a Man And His 405s
Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:04 pm
It all started many a year ago.
We were a car short, so the following search criteria were entered in the Auto Trader website:
- Petrol
- Automatic
- Saloon
- No leather
- Sort by cheapest first
This was returned as the top result:
It had travelled fewer than 100,000 miles:
And yes, this was the cheapest petrol automatic saloon on Auto Trader at the time.
We had it not long and sold it after acquiring the Range Rover you can see in the pics.
However, said Rangey turned out to be too impractical for the use we used it for and the 405 was soon dearly missed. Hence another one was obtained, this time an estate.
Ghosty thinks I bought it from his Uncle, which could be true since I indeed bought it in the area where he lives.
Can't tell for sure, because I didn't pick it up from his home.
I'd probably still have it if this didn't happen while holidaying in Germany.
Upon returning home, a replacement car was required, but no petrol automatic 405s could be found for sale, so we bought a Lada Riva estate from the Wirral and thus had to apply for a V5C. The Lada was from the onset only meant as a stop gap until another 405 is found, because we knew how shit those Ladas are before we bought it. We eventually happened upon another 405 in the desired spec (see shitbox Lada still on drive).
We had that one for quite a while, then the Junkwoman got the idea to downsize. See its replacement and its replacement in this pic:
Yes, we realised that ORL SMOL CARZ IZ SHT M8 and got another petrol 405 auto. This was the one with the legendary MoT failure on the grounds of a numberplate that was deemed too dangerous and unsafe:
It was sold to a Shiter from Luton.
Said shiter shortly afterwards emmigrated to a deemed by the septics quite bombable shithole called Vietnam and the Pug sat on his parents' drive for a year or three. It was then bought by StillOrange of this parish and when we picked it up we realised why said shiter didn't return from a trip to Vietnam, because even that is better than Luton.
Anyway, StillOrange lost at what I believe was Cambelt Bingo shortly afterwards and scrapped it together with its wheels cum ALL FOUR HUBCAPS still in place, a sacrilege I still struggle to fully forgive him for.
Oh, yes, the reason why it was sold in the first place, was because an estate appeared on the radar and was consequently won after a fierce bidding war on eBay, which culminated in the back then considered insane amount of 560 Pounds Sterling.
This was the pick uppage when I still owned the blue saloon with ALL FOUR HUBCAPS!!!
Obligatory pez shot.
Conelrad drove the saloon with ALL FOUR HUBCAPS and lost one on the way home courtesy of hitting something, or sum such, I cant really remember, but he felt compelled to replace it at considerable cost, so it again had ALL FOUR HUBCAPS.
The estate is one of the ultra rare Executives and thus had an interior only suitable for servants.
Since this is totally unacceptable, I ripped it out and replaced it with something providing the minimum comfort one has become accustomed to.
Mind you, this is not the last interior it will ever have. I'm semi actively looking for an ST interior in green.
I lost out on a Roland Garros interior a couple of years back. Someone found an RG spec estate at a scrappy and posted it on a French car forum instead of only telling me about it. It was impossible for me to win the ensuing rally. Mind you, 405s already have total cult status in France.
This estate has some bad luck inhered to it, though. After twice hitting MX5s (once me in traffic, once Ghosty at Chodmolestly) it got vandalised.
Then I slammed it into my garden wall after I fixed* the brakes.
It was repaired courtesy of spares offered for free(!) by fellow Shiter Carlo, who is another serial 405 licker.
Behold mismatched panel colourage and half arsed woollardage.
You now know the reason why it has a saloon front bumper, too.
Subsequently I violated my own 'do not paint' dogma:
Then I got a phone call from China (no, really!) informing me of a saloon that's up for grabs.
Consequently one of these aeroplanes was boarded.
No, not to China, dummy. To Cornwall, which is almost as far away though.
Obligatory pez station shot:
And thusly, my friends and copper engravers, I have now two 405s.
Without a single exception, all of them were and are two litre petrol automatics, the arguably most underrated combination. I always found two litre cars the most sensible for just chugging about, but compared with many such cars I've owned in my life, the 405s stand out as best in class hands down. I don't know exactly why, somehow they just got it right.
We were a car short, so the following search criteria were entered in the Auto Trader website:
- Petrol
- Automatic
- Saloon
- No leather
- Sort by cheapest first
This was returned as the top result:
It had travelled fewer than 100,000 miles:
And yes, this was the cheapest petrol automatic saloon on Auto Trader at the time.
We had it not long and sold it after acquiring the Range Rover you can see in the pics.
However, said Rangey turned out to be too impractical for the use we used it for and the 405 was soon dearly missed. Hence another one was obtained, this time an estate.
Ghosty thinks I bought it from his Uncle, which could be true since I indeed bought it in the area where he lives.
Can't tell for sure, because I didn't pick it up from his home.
I'd probably still have it if this didn't happen while holidaying in Germany.
Upon returning home, a replacement car was required, but no petrol automatic 405s could be found for sale, so we bought a Lada Riva estate from the Wirral and thus had to apply for a V5C. The Lada was from the onset only meant as a stop gap until another 405 is found, because we knew how shit those Ladas are before we bought it. We eventually happened upon another 405 in the desired spec (see shitbox Lada still on drive).
We had that one for quite a while, then the Junkwoman got the idea to downsize. See its replacement and its replacement in this pic:
Yes, we realised that ORL SMOL CARZ IZ SHT M8 and got another petrol 405 auto. This was the one with the legendary MoT failure on the grounds of a numberplate that was deemed too dangerous and unsafe:
It was sold to a Shiter from Luton.
Said shiter shortly afterwards emmigrated to a deemed by the septics quite bombable shithole called Vietnam and the Pug sat on his parents' drive for a year or three. It was then bought by StillOrange of this parish and when we picked it up we realised why said shiter didn't return from a trip to Vietnam, because even that is better than Luton.
Anyway, StillOrange lost at what I believe was Cambelt Bingo shortly afterwards and scrapped it together with its wheels cum ALL FOUR HUBCAPS still in place, a sacrilege I still struggle to fully forgive him for.
Oh, yes, the reason why it was sold in the first place, was because an estate appeared on the radar and was consequently won after a fierce bidding war on eBay, which culminated in the back then considered insane amount of 560 Pounds Sterling.
This was the pick uppage when I still owned the blue saloon with ALL FOUR HUBCAPS!!!
Obligatory pez shot.
Conelrad drove the saloon with ALL FOUR HUBCAPS and lost one on the way home courtesy of hitting something, or sum such, I cant really remember, but he felt compelled to replace it at considerable cost, so it again had ALL FOUR HUBCAPS.
The estate is one of the ultra rare Executives and thus had an interior only suitable for servants.
Since this is totally unacceptable, I ripped it out and replaced it with something providing the minimum comfort one has become accustomed to.
Mind you, this is not the last interior it will ever have. I'm semi actively looking for an ST interior in green.
I lost out on a Roland Garros interior a couple of years back. Someone found an RG spec estate at a scrappy and posted it on a French car forum instead of only telling me about it. It was impossible for me to win the ensuing rally. Mind you, 405s already have total cult status in France.
This estate has some bad luck inhered to it, though. After twice hitting MX5s (once me in traffic, once Ghosty at Chodmolestly) it got vandalised.
Then I slammed it into my garden wall after I fixed* the brakes.
It was repaired courtesy of spares offered for free(!) by fellow Shiter Carlo, who is another serial 405 licker.
Behold mismatched panel colourage and half arsed woollardage.
You now know the reason why it has a saloon front bumper, too.
Subsequently I violated my own 'do not paint' dogma:
Then I got a phone call from China (no, really!) informing me of a saloon that's up for grabs.
Consequently one of these aeroplanes was boarded.
No, not to China, dummy. To Cornwall, which is almost as far away though.
Obligatory pez station shot:
And thusly, my friends and copper engravers, I have now two 405s.
Without a single exception, all of them were and are two litre petrol automatics, the arguably most underrated combination. I always found two litre cars the most sensible for just chugging about, but compared with many such cars I've owned in my life, the 405s stand out as best in class hands down. I don't know exactly why, somehow they just got it right.