The Dark Wob

Vent your anger/dislike/loathing about modern shit.

When it comes to absolute garbage, not much beats Land Rover. Look at this turd:

It’s not just a modern car I object to, rather the features that modern cars all have.
Touchscreens; how can this possibly be safe in a car? Leaving aside the fact that touchscreens all seem to think I’m wearing gloves, going into a menu and submenu to change the temperature or function of the infotainment system is stupid. To add to that, old fashioned buttons are tactile, you don’t need to look at them properly to find the right one and operate it, turning a dial or pressing can be done blind once you are familiar with it.

So called “safety systems” that are required to get top marks in the NCAP scores such as lane assist. Ok it may stop Karen from crashing on the M56 when she falls asleep or turns around in her seat to berate little Darren in the back, but at other times on local back roads it pulls the car into the centre when there’s only just room for two cars to pass if they’re right over the side. I don’t have direct experience of this, but my BIL was complaining that his new Yaris will do this and also physically pulls the car towards cyclists when trying to pass them at a safe distance (I know some of you will see this as a positive!). He would turn it off, but it defaults to it each time the car is started and yes, you have to use the touchscreen and several sub menus to turn it off each start up! I’ve read of some cars that historically got good NCAP scores re rated at 0 points now as this feature isn’t comprehensive enough.
I could go on...
Also why are so many soooo fucking massive?

Taking away control from the driver of the vehicle will NEVER end well. It's been going on for donkeys - ever since the first old granny bought an automatic, mashed the throttle in preparation to slip the clutch like fuck before discovering/remembering there wasn't one and planting her Civic in Morrison's foyer via three innocent people's legs.

Personally I find it hard to really care what happens to anyone that buys an Ewok. This is a vehicle that simply never needed to exist and the fact that fewer do each month is a source of some comfort.

Had a ride to the pub in a Tesla at the weekend. The switch on defaults include automatic headlight dipping which is confused by narrow roads and stays on dip. Four levels down the menu tree to turn this nonsense off so that the driver could use her headlights.
That fully-loaded BMW I borrowed last month was almost as bad with it’s touch screen, connectivity, infotainment (flashing up news alerts and crap, like a kids mobile phone f.f.s.), driver aids… 200miles in that fucker and I was exhausted by the fight.

Is there anything now sold without a poxy screen?

Fully loaded can fuck right off.

I get a lot of modern cars through work as hire cars, (2 or 3 a week) and I really don't like the majority of them, too many intrusive safety systems, over assisted brakes (the new Corsa has been the worst, I almost headbutted the steering wheel), poor visibility, crap ride, stupid touchscreens with no physical buttons, the single worst feature on modern cars is Lane keep assist, and is fucking dangerous, closely followed by the emergency braking fitted to VW's and VW's new capacitive buttons on the steering wheel and sliding touch controls for its ipad on the dash what a fucking mess.

The two I liked the best were the Ionic hybrid and the Ford Galaxy, the Ionic just worked and felt very well thought out and the Galaxy was comfier and more relaxing than my old S80 which is amazing really.

I always prefer to use my own car (a 19 year old E Class) if I can get away with it as its perfect really apart from the slightly too hard ride due to the silly low profile tyres, I've fitted a modern carplay stereo to it for music and nav but every control has its own button that I can find without prodding blindly at a touchscreen.

Enterprise have just dropped off a Jaguar XF as I have to have an auto due to my arthritis, its usually something fiesta/focus sized but they had no auto's, I'll have to park it away from work as if the directors or elected members see it they'll have a fit

A former colleague has had his 2.0 Ingenium diesel removed from his Velar 7 times now..

Alistair from work has a disco, it's in at the garage. Slight oil leak. New sump needed. £1250. When we get one. Could take months.

AutoshiteBoy wrote: ↑Wed Oct 19, 2022 8:32 pm A former colleague has had his 2.0 Ingenium diesel removed from his Velar 7 times now..

That engine has been a disaster from start to finish. Virtually every XE and XF since 20?? has been inflicted with it.

Touch screens, driver aids and all that shit are one thing but woeful reliability is another.

I believe the 1990s through to the mid 2000s was peak car.

You had things like fuel injection, power steering, ABS, and maybe even traction and stability control. Nothing more, though. I'm all for passive safety systems but shit like lane assist can get in the fucking sea.
As has already been covered here, it's dangerous bullshit anywhere but on a motorway. I drove a Citroen C5 Aircross hire car over to Skye a couple of years ago, and it kept switching the lane assist back on every time I started it. Luckily it had a physical button down by my knee that switched it off with one press. However, it then had a warning light permanently illuminated in the dash trying to make me feel guilty for turning off the 'feature' that kept trying to kamikaze me into oncoming traffic on narrower roads.

Another 'feature' of newer cars I fucking hate. Electronic auto gearbox selectors. Said C5 Aircross had an auto box, complete with a poxy electronic selector.
I decided to try driving it properly, by putting it in neutral and applying the parking brake at a red traffic light. The fucking shitty bullshit electronic parking brake (another thing I fucking hate) took a genuine 5 fucking seconds from me pulling the switch to it actually engaging. Then, when I wanted to pull away again the car demanded that I be pressing the foot brake before it would let me engage drive, and I also had to continue holding the foot brake before it would allow me to release the parking brake. FUCK OFF!

I now understand why so many people sit at traffic lights on the foot brake, burning holes in my retinas with their array of red LEDs.

What happened to being able to just select first, while holding the clutch down, then just swiftly release the handbrake as the light turns amber?
Nope, cars seemingly have to nanny the driver as they're now designed around the lowest common denominator, i.e. the terminally fucking stupid who shouldn't even have a driving licence if their competence is that low.

The fact that this piece of festering Stellantis dogshit was called 'aircross' should have alerted your inner shite-tector. Making your car sound like a fucking Nike trainer is up there with Crossland, Grandland, Poundland and all that other low rent Stellantis landfill.

Stellantis is the new conglomerate that hoovered up all the dreadful shit in Europe/USA that no fucker wanted. Fiat, Peugeot, Shitroen, Vauxhall, Opel, Chry-sler, Lancia, Alfa and all the other burned out ruined shells of once great companies. They now turn out the same shit under different 'brands' to idiots.