Tales Of A Car Auction Driver (back in the 80s content)
Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 12:48 am
Here's a golden oldie from February 2011. I can't believe how much my life has changed in 8 years.
Back in the late 1980s I used to supplement my meagre student grant/giro by working as a fiver a night driver for a banger auction. Back in thoses days the sort of sub £500 chod I was lucky enough to drive around the "block" was the stuff of dreams to any shiter in the second decade of the 21st century.
Most of us have at some point in our driving careers had a punt or two on some old nail so I thought I'd tell the story from the perspective of someone who saw the good the bad and the ugly from through the windscreen.
Today banger auctions are largely extinct but 20/30 years ago they were the easiest place to pick up the car you needed at the price you could afford. You simply turned up holding the folding and drove away there and then.
The sheer variety of vehicles on offer in those days for a couple of weeks wages was much greater than today.
Most dealers in new Iron Curtain stuff were offering £1000 min part ex on your old banger so it wasn't unusual for the same old rusty Datsun Violet to be punted around the ring three or four times a month. Mind you, the local Lada dealer was also reluctant to retail any Lada over four years old so many legitimate, one owner Ladas were sold to the public via the auction, often showing less than 20,000 miles. Older Ladas were also always a total nightmare to start and drive because many of them seemed to have faulty ignition barrels meaning that you had to find the hidden switch that the owner had fitted. Another common Lada problem was the throttle pedal being about 18" off the carpet for some reason.
Plenty of FSOs made it to auction about this time as well. £800 would normally secure you a three year old example. Many were already knocking their brains out at this young age as well!
BL chod was always a joy to start as well. Many times I went to pull the choke out to start an old Mini or Toledo and have the knob and a couple of feet of choke cable come through the dash!
I vividly remember my first series Landy experience as it involved a small crash... I had already started the engine so I pushed the gear lever over to the right and forwards to engage first, unfortunatly the detent to stop you engaging reverse was missing so when I released the clutch it shot backwards about three foot and into the fence!
Rover Sd1s were notorious for locking the unwary auction driver in. I don't think I ever drove one with working electric windows either.
Vans and commercials were always a pain because you couldn't park them in front of the rostrum because the auctioneer wouldn't be able to see who, if anyone, was bidding.
A common auction dodge was to disconnect the bonnet release catch so any prospective buyer couldn't see the state of the engine. Fine in theory but bad in practice if the car had a weak battery and needed the 24v truck battery for a jump start.
Back then it was common for clued up punters to ask you if you could "find fifth" as the numbers on the gearknob quite often to a little lie. Also people used to lean through the drivers window and wag the tiller on things like Princesses and Datsun Laurels to see if it had power steering.
I must say I thoroughly enjoyed my little stint as an auction driver. I only quit because Xmas was coming and the allure of working behind the bar at a local nightclub was too tempting. Mind you, I probably wouldn't of caught a dose of the clap off a rusty Fiat Strada unlike that sexy South African girl called Natalie but that's another story.
Back in the late 1980s I used to supplement my meagre student grant/giro by working as a fiver a night driver for a banger auction. Back in thoses days the sort of sub £500 chod I was lucky enough to drive around the "block" was the stuff of dreams to any shiter in the second decade of the 21st century.
Most of us have at some point in our driving careers had a punt or two on some old nail so I thought I'd tell the story from the perspective of someone who saw the good the bad and the ugly from through the windscreen.
Today banger auctions are largely extinct but 20/30 years ago they were the easiest place to pick up the car you needed at the price you could afford. You simply turned up holding the folding and drove away there and then.
The sheer variety of vehicles on offer in those days for a couple of weeks wages was much greater than today.
Most dealers in new Iron Curtain stuff were offering £1000 min part ex on your old banger so it wasn't unusual for the same old rusty Datsun Violet to be punted around the ring three or four times a month. Mind you, the local Lada dealer was also reluctant to retail any Lada over four years old so many legitimate, one owner Ladas were sold to the public via the auction, often showing less than 20,000 miles. Older Ladas were also always a total nightmare to start and drive because many of them seemed to have faulty ignition barrels meaning that you had to find the hidden switch that the owner had fitted. Another common Lada problem was the throttle pedal being about 18" off the carpet for some reason.
Plenty of FSOs made it to auction about this time as well. £800 would normally secure you a three year old example. Many were already knocking their brains out at this young age as well!
BL chod was always a joy to start as well. Many times I went to pull the choke out to start an old Mini or Toledo and have the knob and a couple of feet of choke cable come through the dash!
I vividly remember my first series Landy experience as it involved a small crash... I had already started the engine so I pushed the gear lever over to the right and forwards to engage first, unfortunatly the detent to stop you engaging reverse was missing so when I released the clutch it shot backwards about three foot and into the fence!
Rover Sd1s were notorious for locking the unwary auction driver in. I don't think I ever drove one with working electric windows either.
Vans and commercials were always a pain because you couldn't park them in front of the rostrum because the auctioneer wouldn't be able to see who, if anyone, was bidding.
A common auction dodge was to disconnect the bonnet release catch so any prospective buyer couldn't see the state of the engine. Fine in theory but bad in practice if the car had a weak battery and needed the 24v truck battery for a jump start.
Back then it was common for clued up punters to ask you if you could "find fifth" as the numbers on the gearknob quite often to a little lie. Also people used to lean through the drivers window and wag the tiller on things like Princesses and Datsun Laurels to see if it had power steering.
I must say I thoroughly enjoyed my little stint as an auction driver. I only quit because Xmas was coming and the allure of working behind the bar at a local nightclub was too tempting. Mind you, I probably wouldn't of caught a dose of the clap off a rusty Fiat Strada unlike that sexy South African girl called Natalie but that's another story.
