Claim's Cabbies Corner. Kill crazy rampage imminent.

[LynehamHerc]

Definitely!

[Warren t claim]

As I've fucked off home early as it's dead on the streets I'll crack open a lager and continue.

As you've probably guessed by now Frank is something of a maverick, always pushing the limits of our town hall.

Before it was compulsorily purchased by the council Frank had an office that he decided to turn a spare room into an all night cafe called Cabbies Corner. It was incredibly popular when we had nightclubs in the area. Unfortunately, licencing didn't like the idea and insisted he shut it down. Not one to take setbacks lightly, Frank just altered the access and renamed it the taxi office waiting room with refreshments and continued trading! Obviously, the council were hopping mad but there wasn't anything they could do about it. When we moved offices Frank knocked through a wall to make a door into his private office. If we were any other taxi company the council wouldn't of given a fuck but licencing reported him to planning and insisted that he take the door out and rebuild the wall. After several appeals, Frank did indeed rebuild the wall. A week later we were raided by licencing and planning as a councillor had driven past and seen the door still there! What Frank had done was rebuild the wall, paint a door onto the wall and screw a doorhandle to the brickwork! The council were livid but there was fuck all they could do!

Various mergers and takeovers of local taxi firms meant that from once being one of the largest firms in the area we'd shrunk to being one of the smaller outfits. Frank managed to survive by his business model of supplying a car on double shift making him £140 a week plus both drivers living in his houses earning him another £200 a week plus £75 a week base rental off each driver. Frank also happily operated as a loan shark giving cash loans out to the staff at a tenner a week interest on a hundred quid loan.

Just nipping to the fridge for another can. BRB.

[Warren t claim]

Back now.

As you could imagine Frank's firm became something of The Dark Wob of local firms, basically a place for the worst of the worst to find some sort of sanctuary. Pretty much everyone who worked there had some sort of issue. A few of us drivers and operators had a rota to work out who's turn it was to go and score the amphetamine to keep us going back in the carefree, pre police drugs swipe days and the office A To Z had the numbers of local dealers written over several pages. The same A To Z was also used as a surface to snort off. A line of coke on the map on the back that went from Birkenhead to Belfast was referred to as a "Stena Line".

A couple of our drivers went too far, Roy being one of them. It was a given that once Roy had earnt £11, a quid for diesel and a tenner for a rock of crack, that he'd go AWOL for at least half an hour. Quite often we'd hear "Eight Roy, eight Roy, where are you Roy?" over the radio until he eventually replied. Once he replied that he was on the toilet which is quite an achievement as the radio was in his car! Roy really didn't give a fuck and would always put a quids worth of diesel in his car at a time! Another lad called Andy, but known as Patch was nearly as bad. He had a sideline of stealing push bikes during his shift to feed his habit and always carried a set of bolt cutters in his car! A dealer he owed money to eventually caught up with Patch and gave him such a beating that as he was regaining consciousness he remembers hearing the dealer on the phone making inquiries with someone as to the best way to dispose of Patch's body!

[Chodweaver]

Epic! Please, do go on, Warren

[Warren t claim]

Anyway, as this is in our Motorised Conveyances section let's bring the topic back on cars again.

Owner drivers were unusual at Franks's firm, I was one of the few that owned their own car. When it came to buying cars for the fleet Frank just went for whatever was cheap and would just about do the job. I took him to the auction at Brighouse and while I was getting a coffee he bid and won an early Y plate Laguna 2 diesel! As the new pride of the fleet he gave it to a gay biker called Geoff who was in his good books that week, although next week Frank fell out with Geoff telling him that "if you spent more time working and less time taking it up the arse you'd be able to pay your bills on time!" It may come as a surprise to you to learn that the Laguna lasted three years on the fleet before shitting itself. Another car that lasted well was a Mk1 Skoda Octavia turbo diesel on an 05 plate. It was in that quite attractive inky blue colour that Skoda still sell Octavias in and went very well indeed. The only problem was a sticking front caliper that Frank being Frank wouldn't replace as he'd rather replace a set of pads every week than buy a new caliper! Anyway, back to the Laguna. When it eventually died it was replaced with an 05 plate Avensis estate, truly the best car Frank had invested in! It was scrapped after a driver drove over a traffic island taking the sump out! Weighed in at only three years old! Another fleet favourite was a Honda Civic petrol estate in red on a W plate. This met an untimely death when it was rear ended while Mutha_Claim (who was also a taxi driver) was waiting to turn right at a junction.

[Warren t claim]

I suppose you must be wondering why I worked for such a firm?

Well, when I first joined I owned a hack and Frank was cheap to work for. It was a six passenger Metrocab which meant I could do six-seater jobs that paid fare and a half. Frank also sublet one of my private hire cars, a W plate Mondeo diesel, to Andy Patch meaning that I made £30 a week before I'd even started. Even though the firm was one of the few in my area to have dedicated day and night shifts as a hack driver I could come and go as I pleased.

Mutha_Claim who shared the hack with me wouldn't work there though as the wife of one of Frank's operators, a lad we called Van Gough due to him losing half an ear in a fight, had lobbed in a complaint against her for allegedly short changing her. Van Gough, who has since died of cancer, had to quit after being jailed for transporting heroin down south meaning she could eventually join the firm.

[Warren t claim]

The one good thing about Frank was that he would never bear a grudge. Once I had a big falling out with him which involved the operator shutting the wrought iron portcullis that we had to keep the operator safe to separate us. He grabbed a mag mount taxi aerial to try and stab me through it and to retaliate I grabbed the aerial off my car so we ended up fencing through the security gate!

Quite often all the drivers were referred to as a "shower of cunts" but within an hour he'd be happily cooking breakfast for us all whether we wanted it or not!

Probably just because it suited him, we were the last firm to rely on radios rather than a data system. When I returned after my break pretending to be a truck driver nothing had changed. Despite the paying public expecting callback the drivers still had to use the cabbies doorbell (beeping the horn) to get fares out of the pub or their houses. The place really was Life On Mars Taxis and I played the part of Sam Tyler to Franks Gene Hunt!

[Hooli]

The fake door is the highlight from Frank so far in my opinion.

[Bangernomics]

Frank sounds like he was a good guy at heart. More please.


Less annoying tag line.

[fried onions]

It's fascinating reading for sure.