What's the worst deathtrap you've ever driven on the road?

[Warren t claim]

Once I drove a Fairway hackney four miles back to the garage with the steering box ratchet strapped to the front axle. As you can imagine, this was at a very slow speed without any passengers on board.

[DodgeRover]

I once bought a lwb series LandRover in Leeds for it's diesel engine. The battery was buggered so it had to be left running, it had spent the last several years in a field and looked it.
Brakes were ok but the clutch had air in it which made it's use interesting as it needed pumping (remember what I said about not being able to restart it?) before it would clear...
In what I now consider to be a fit of madness and clutching my insurance policy that named any vehicle belonging to me rather than giving a registration I drove the fucking thing back through the middle of Leeds in rush hour, then down the M1 home hitting almost 50mph at times.
By the time I got back it was visibly sagging due to the somewhat crispy nature of the chassis...

A mate got stuck somewhere and his train ticket home to Sheffield was going to be £50, he managed to buy a mini for £20 (obviously with no tax or MOT) he had to put his backpack carefully in one corner as most of the floor had already fallen out and the clutch didn't clear, driving back he got stuck on the motorway as there was some royal event on and traffic was at a stand still, he coped by starting the mini in gear once a suitable gap had opened in front of him. Got him home and to the scrapyard the next day where he turned a profit...

Another mate got stopped by the Garda in his bus in Spain (registered in the showman's class over here so it was MOT exempted but it hadn't been taxed for years) they rightly demanded to see his documents and insurance which he had never had, thinking on his feet he pulled out his then new UK NI card, there you go i'm with National Insurance, amazingly they let him go on his way....

They're may have been several instances of me getting confused about which numberplate went on which motorbike which nearly ended in tears after breaking down on the way back from visiting a girlfriend in Manchester, a slightly more clued up than average PC pulled up to see why I had stopped - I was waiting for recovery having pushed it to the nearest phone box - and twigged the bike was a bit* newer than the plate it was wearing "It's a Japanese import, they got them a lot earlier than us" as I was able to give all my details correctly he left me waiting for the AA.

[Warren t claim]

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This fucker deserves a mention.

Minimad5 swapped a decent Rover 75 Tourer for this with Colc on the basis that we'd deliver the Rover to Bristol and drive back in this. Colc had assured MM5 that it'd fly through an MOT despite spending its whole life on Jersey and therefore never been submitted for an MOT test.

I remember phoning my insurance broker about driving a 1965, Jersey registered car 150 miles home and they just told me not to have an accident!

Colc's sister's house was on a main road with a steep driveway. We hopped into the Triumph and discovered that it had no brakes while reversing! The chassis was as rotten as a pear and the poor thing would threaten to detach body and chassis on corners!

[paulplom]

Trusted shitter

[Asimo]

herald2.PNG

the poor thing would threaten to detach body and chassis on corners!

Body needs hammering over a Golf then!

[LynehamHerc]

What eventually happened to that?
I saw that it was on sale saying that it didn't need a MoT, which is complete bollocks, but that's quite a while ago now.

[Scruffy Bodger]

Two spring to mind.

One was a Series III Land Rover bought by a farmer friend at a farm sale before it got put back in the same sale and some poor fucker bought it for the same money they did. Anything from their completely fucked but non rotten example was swapped over from the donor. No word of a lie, to keep it in a straight line down the road it had to be constantly corrected a quarter turn of the wheel either way. Even being a 19 year old idiot who loved a buzz while driving I couldn't get it over 40 mph as I was too scared of hitting something.

The other was more recent and someone who'll remain nameless. A 200 tdi Disco with a sort of similar problem. You couldn't drive it with two hands on the wheel, it had to be steered with one hand to account for the wander, the main problem being that if you steered a bit too quick to the left while at speed it lurched left. Again, utterly fucked on the front end, one bloke I know refused to drive it and he wasn't exactly a wuss as he raced lawnmowers in his spare time.

[Eddie Honda]

A motorcycle for a week* with no front brakes as I was waiting on a set of Goodridge hoses to be made and sent over. It wasn't far*, but I had to get to work.

[red5]

120y in 1987ish.
Started on the button, brakes fine, engine like a sewing machine. Went over a bit of overbanding and I thought the bonnet was on the safety catch initially as it visibly moved. Then the skittering about .1 of a second later was a bit odd..

NSF chassis rail wasn't attached to the bulkhead forwards.

[Missy Charm]

A test drive at a dealer, rather than anything owned personally. The car was a small silver Volvo S40, the old type that were all the rage at one time, and was in cosmetically excellent condition. A brief look around the interior showed that to be similarly good, and most of the electrical gadgets worked. It was cheap too, and looked to be a genuine bargain. I progressed to the test drive stage, unaccompanied. The Volvo started up fine, went into gear smoothly and moved off entirely normally. Upon leaving the forecourt, I put the clutch in for second gear and BANG.
The whole car shuddered violently. I changed gear anyway and let the clutch out. BANG, again. Clutch in for third, BANG. Three times now. Just out of interest I put the clutch in whilst looking at the gear lever, upon doing so the whole assembly rocked fore and aft by a good couple of inches.

I got to a roundabout at the end of the road, performed a U-turn and returned to the garage. The short drive had evidenced the fact that gearbox or engine, possibly both, were loose and moving backwards and forwards. I found the dealer and, not knowing what to say, handed the keys back, apologised and informed him that I would not be buying the Volvo. I then set off across the forecourt towards my own car. The dealer hurried after me and, just as I was about to leave, asked me to reconsider the Volvo and offered a substantial knock-down on the already low price. I declined and went.

It doesn't end there, however. I had made an appointment to see the Volvo and in the course of that process had provided the dealer with my telephone number. A day or so later the phone rang, I picked up and it was Volvo man again. He asked me if I was absolutely sure I didn't want the thing and said I could have it for an absurdly low amount, £200 or so. Again I declined...